This is Real
by GodspeedEnding
Summary: Karkat's life really is horrible. Even more so now. He must admit, it was pretty bad at first, but now it's reached a point he didn't know was possible. It's unreal.
1. It Hurt More than it Should Have

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck.

* * *

His name is Karkat Vantas and his life is horrible and he doesn't need anyone to tell him that. He lived it, he's _still_ living it. Sometimes he wishes if would just stop but then he doesn't because of some stupid implications he'll get to at another point in time. However that is not the point.  
The point is Karkat's life has finally spiraled completely out of control and now there's no going back. His life has become a huge game of Let's All Fuck with Karkat Vantas!

That game is everyone's favorite.

How did this whirlwind of shit and pity that is his life even get this bad?

It was because of them.

Whenever questioned on this subject, Karkat likes to begin the discussion with the unfathomable fact that there are even people within his shitty life. He just can't believe it. Karkat believes they're in his life because whatever god there is has set him aside for the picking and teasing. He has a long running theory that maybe he's really the devil's _offspring_ and that he has cast Karkat to Earth because not even Hell deserves him. Based off that theory, Karkat furthermore believes that even though he's not even doing anything on Earth, the aforementioned god thinks he deserves a life long punishment.

That's why he was given Gamzee.

Karkat can deal with Eridan, for the water loving teen reminds Karkat that his self loathing and pity are never as tragic as Eridan's inability to get others to fall in love with him is. Sollux, though a complete, _unrivaled_, _asshole_, Karkat is okay with him. Equius, however, beats Sollux in all aspects of Karkat's anger, without a doubt. To put it simply, Karkat hates him. Karkat views Tavros as a god- not one who punishes him with Gamzee, however, the opposite. Whenever Tavros shows up, Gamzee immediately leaves Karkat's side and makes his way over to the wheelchair bound boy. Karkat sometimes thinks of saying something nice to Tavros every once in a while but then remembers he doesn't do 'nice' very well. He tries but those nice words he wanted to use get lost somewhere between the transition of his thoughts and actually being said out loud. After that he usually says 'fuck it' and decides to use nice words the next time Tavros comes around to take Gamzee off his hands. _(Needless to say, he never does...)_

Gamzee. Gamzee Makara. Gamzee _motherfucking _Makara. That's how he introduced himself to Karkat when they first met. When Gamzee decided Karkat's life was the canvas and he was the crazed painter that was 'gonna throw miracles all over that shit'. His words.  
At the time Karkat couldn't tell whether Gamzee _was_ calling his life shit or just saying shit. Now he just puts it off as Gamzee's personality. His screwed up personality that-_ for some reason_ Karkat loves.

He slaps his hands over his face.

He can't believe he wants that honking mess. But he's better than Eridan, Karkat likes to believe.

...

_But fuck, he's Gamzee._ Why does Karkat want him of all people? He wants to die.

Though that's not an option. Karkat swore he'd never think of that again. For his sake. He's over the times when he believed death to be the only option.

At least, he _thinks _he's over that.

He can't be sure.

His mind refuses to focus on anything for longer than three seconds unless it's Gamzee.

The fuckass. He shouldn't be on Karkat's mind.

Karkat shouldn't be worrying about him, not in his state. It should be the other way around; Karkat should be on Gamzee's mind. Gamzee should be worrying his ass off for Karkat. Gamzee should be next to him now, helping him.

But he's not.

Karkat feels the tears roll down his cheeks and watches as they fall onto the pale blue of his hospital gown. He tries to hold them but fails miserably. He feels his body rack with more upcoming sobs and lurches forward as they take over and he lets loose the loudest wail of pain and sadness he ever has. He holds his face in his hands and cries into them.

He doesn't want to be thinking of Gamzee. He doesn't want to_ want _him anymore.

He tells himself he doesn't want that clown.  
But he knows he's lying to himself.

And that hurt more than he thought it should have.

* * *

Thank you for reading :D

One note: I hope the few times I mentioned a diety did not offend you in some way, it was all for the story and is in no way me trying to influence or insult your beliefs.

ALSO~ Sorry if Karkat seems a bit out of character what with the crying part, but I tried =-=

That takes care of that :)

Bye c:


	2. An Entire Fucking Bus Seat

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck.

* * *

Karkat always thought it was a considerably decent day when his life decided it wanted to screw with him some more. That is, it _was _a decent day until his life started screwing with him. It started off as all of Karkat's days usually do. Him almost missing the bus followed by his father yelling at him to get his 'ass outta the door and go learn shit'. After a grueling game of catch-the-bus, Karkat found himself seated across from Nepeta, who had kindly saved him an entire bus seat.

An entire fucking seat.

"Thanks, Nepeta. I really wanted a full fucking seat to myself. I guess my self-loathing just radiates off me so much that I can no longer accompany anyone in these large ass seats."

"No purroblem, Karkitty." She smiles at Karkat, completely unfazed by the thinly veiled anger, and only responding to the actual acknowledgment of her deed.

By now, Karkat is used to her cat puns, even though he's only known her for exactly one week. She has literally used at least _five_ in all the conversation she and Karkat have had so far. However, at this point in time, Karkat is impurrvious to them.

Shit. Impervious.

"Nepeta, cease conversing with him at once. He is not the kind of person you should associate with."

Him. Karkat's head snapped towards the direction in which the voice came. This is the guy that's an even bigger asshole than Sollux, which is why Karkat can't stand even being around. That and due to some other reasons Karkat would rather not think of.

"Shut it, Equius. I know you get off on the simple sound of my voice, so sit the fuck back and listen. And, _yes,_ that _is_ a fucking order."  
He sits back, no rebuttals offered, only a sheepish glare that pales in comparison to the one being sent his way by none other than Karkat. Nepeta proceeds to reprimand him for being rude to her 'furiend'. Meanwhile, Karkat smirks in victory. At the most, he suspects this will be the closest thing to being happy he'll get all day.

However, Gamzee –were he here, would beg to differ. He's always been trying to get Karkat to laugh or smile at least. Sometimes – and Karkat hates to admit it, but he succeeds and he can't help but crack a smile. In a show of retaliation, anger, and mostly embarrassment, Karkat usually utters an insult and tells him to 'fuck off' (of course in the form of a long winded speech filled with so many sarcastic remarks and rhetorical questions that Gamzee ends up spacing out and him losing his point). Gamzee always responds by lazily throwing his arms over Karkat's shoulders, laughing and rambling on about how happy he is that they're bros.

Little did Karkat know that the entire accident involving his 'bro' would be occurring today, so he acted as his usual grumpy self up until the moment. But that moment hasn't happened yet, so he doesn't give a fuck. Actually, it's more like he _can't _give any fucks.

Hm.

Anyways, Karkat's sitting on the bus and rain is beginning to slowly beat against the bus's windows and windshield with the pitter patter that calms him down more than anyone could fathom. He slides back in his seat and relaxes a little.

Perhaps today might go by smoothly-

"FUCK-!"

He takes back any thoughts of a somewhat amicable day taking place when the bus suddenly hits the sidewalk and sends the one and only Eridan Ampora flying straight onto Karkat's lap. His many rings smacking Karkat in the face as he violently reaches for purchase on anything. That 'anything' ended up being various parts of Karkat's body.

Needless to say, Karkat was pissed in a way that transcends words.

"Eridan, what the FUCK are you doing? Get off me!" Karkat pushes the teen in the face and he pushes back, muttering about how rude he was to mess up such perfect hair.

"I can't believe I have to deal with you this early in the morning, do I ever get a fucking break?"

Eridan ignores Karkat, brushing off his pants and straightening his glasses before moving on to his reason for bothering the grumpy teen.

"I have a problem that needs dealin' with and you're the best shot I've got at solvin' it. Everybody else is too incompetent to understand but I've got faith in you, Kar."

Karkat ignores what Eridan thought was a complement and replies with, "If this is going where I think it's going, I'm giving you exactly three seconds to get the fuck up and go back to whatever seat you came from. I'm not dealing with that again."

"No, it's not that. You gotta stop assumin' that's I want to discuss. No, I need to know what you think a my new idea to ask out Fef."

Karkat pinches the bridge of his nose. "I swear, I'm going to flip a table right onto your pedicured toes if I hear about this again."

"Come on, Kar-"

"Eridan, quit bugging me about your failing love life. Feferi left you for a reason. Leave her be."

It's a stern command and Karkat expects Eridan to know what's best for him and listen.  
However, Karkat is wrong and Eridan does not listen.

"But Kar-"

"No."

"I-"

"I SAID NO, FUCKASS."

Eridan sighs and hangs his head. Karkat sighs also and turn to face the window. The rain continues to fall, only harder and he enjoys a few seconds of utter silence from Eridan before-

"Why does no one love me, Kar?"

Karkat does a double facepalm and waits for the inevitable 'I'm unloved so let me tell you all about it while I cry on your shoulder' speech. Yep. Karkat has even given it a title.  
He crosses his arms and sits back, thinking about how much today is going to suck.

* * *

Thank you for reading :D


	3. Clowns Are the Shit

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck.

* * *

His name is Gamzee Makara and today is going to be great for him. He's got it all planned out. From the second the bell rings to signify the beginning of the day to the moment it rings to signify the end.  
Today is going to be perfect. He gets to see his bro for the first time in what feels like forever even though it's only been a couple of days.

...

It _has _only been a couple of days, right?

He thinks so... he's not sure...

He's lost track of time.

* * *

He steps out of the car and onto the concrete, watching as his uncle drives away. He honks the horn the entire time he's exiting the school grounds. He does this every time he drops Gamzee off at school and it entertains the latter more than anyone could comprehend or he could describe. Mostly because it annoys certain people.

And because the horn sounds _so damn funny_.

It sounds like an actual clown horn which Gamzee loves because in his opinion, _clowns are the shit._

Gamzee walks to the entrance of his high school, waiting for the gates to move. As he waits more kids begin showing up and it begins to rain a little. A storm's coming his way, and judging by how dark the sky is (and what the weatherman on the local news said this morning) it'll begin raining soon and will last all day, maybe more. He turns his attention back to his classmates, looking for anyone he may know.

The kids walk by him, staring, whispering, pointing; all surprised to see him back.

He doesn't say anything or approach anyone about all the talking, but he doesn't get it.

He's only been gone for a couple of days.

So what's the big deal?

* * *

Thank you for reading :D Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	4. Just a Bit Easier

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck.

* * *

Gamzee shifted on the hard ground. The gates still haven't opened, he's got no one to talk to, and he's growing really fucking impatient.

_Normally _he'd be patient but he's just so excited to see his bro. He'd be willing to break _into_ the school if he didn't know it would open soon.

Hopefully it'll open soon. Gamzee sighed and adjusted his chin in his hands.

It's when he hears the all too familiar around of wheels rolling against concrete that his heart speeds up uncontrollably and he straightens up to look around.

It's got to be him.

Is it him?

"Gamzee? You're back, oh wow."

That voice. It is him!

Gamzee jumps up, all anger at the gates forgotten now as he faces his friend.

"Tavbro!"

Gamzee hugs his wheelchair bound friend tightly, but careful not to hurt him. He's so fragile.

If anything were to happen to Tavros... Gamzee can't stand the thought of that. He's not sure what he'd do. But that's exactly why he won't let anything happen to Tavros.

Even while he was out of it - so to speak - for those few days, he kept in close contact with Tavros, even if that contact was maintained through webchats and rare phone calls. He couldn't let Tavros get hurt. He's been hurt before. When it happened... Gamzee wished he could have been there to stop it from happening. He wished he could have helped.

He wished for so much.

"Where have you been? We really could have used your help in that competition last week…because we lost."

"I was busy, so sorry 'bout that. But I'm here now, so no need to motherfuckin' worry!" Gamzee smiled widely at Tavros and the latter smiled back.

Oh, how Gamzee missed that smile.

How he missed Tavros. He missed him so much.

It's only been five minutes since Tavros arrived and he and Gamzee began catching up face to face. At this point, Gamzee's beginning to think he may have been gone for longer than just a few days.

But he just isn't sure. He's considered asking Tavros how long he's been out but for some reason, he just can't bring himself to ask. There's a nagging feeling in the pit of his stomach that he's really messed up and things are only going to get worse.

When Gamzee tuned back into the conversation, he realized they weren't even talking about competitions or tests or projects that needed to be made up, but something Gamzee's been obsessing about since… since the day he left. He hasn't been able to take his mind off of it.

"Gamzee… _Gamzee?_"

Gamzee acknowledged Tavros with an apologetic smile. "Sorry, bro. Zoned out…"

"That's okay… that was expected to happen sometime I guess."

"What were you talking about earlier?"

"I was asking if you've spoken to, uh, Karkat… have you spoken to Karkat? At all?"

This is it. This is the thing that's been on his mind for the longest time. He's been avoiding this topic for the longest time too. He doesn't want to face it. There are too many things that could go wrong in this conversation. He doesn't want to face Karkat either really. Sure, he's excited to see him but… he's going to be furious. And Gamzee knows that.  
The fact that even Tavros is concerned about whether Gamzee's contacted Karkat or not only adds to how bad things are getting. No, how bad things already _are_. If Tavros knows, surely everyone else knows. Tavros doesn't particularly _like_ Karkat, so bringing him up is always weird. The only times he brings Karkat up is when the latter is usually angry at Gamzee and is looking for him.

"Have you?" Tavros continued. He seemed nervous asking Gamzee. As if he fears Gamzee's forgotten Karkat.

But he'd never forget Karkat.

How could he? He's not really aware of it yet, but Karkat will soon become what he'll consider to be the most important part of his life. Starting today actually. He just won't _realize_ how _vital_ Karkat is exactly to his life for a while. When it's almost too late but also when it'll really matter.

But right now, he just isn't sure how Karkat's going to react to seeing him. Usually he's grumpy when greeting Gamzee on a daily basis so will he been even grumpier or relieved to see him after however long Gamzee's been out?

Only time will tell.

Until the time is right, however, Gamzee waits out the few minutes before school catching up with Tavros and rapping a little here and there. Tavros doesn't seem to mind that his question was never answered and Gamzee's appreciated that. He didn't really feel like being interrogated so he was thankful that Tavros didn't pursue the subject. They both knew everyone else would anyways. But having at least one person who wouldn't made dealing with the subject easier.

It made his life just a little bit easier.

* * *

I liked this chapter :3 ...so...um...did you?


	5. Crowded and Trapped

Disclaimer: I do not own Homestuck.

* * *

By the time Karkat got off the bus, he'd already bonked Eridan on the head a total of three times, silenced Equius four times, and dealt with Nepeta's squealing the entire time.

He almost died. Metaphorically speaking of course.

He's the first off the bus this time, having been fed up with everyone. And to think it's only the morning. School hasn't even officially started and he's already in a sour mood. May he have mercy on the poor fools that try to greet him.

Eridan calls out for Karkat as he watches him dash toward the school's back gates for the buses. "Kar! You're gonna slip!" Karkat throws his middle finger in the air as a response before walking through the gates into the courtyard.

Once he's past the gates, Karkat seeks shelter immediately. By now the rain is pouring impossibly hard down upon the school that for some reason is open in the center, so rain can fall upon the students that have to cross through it to reach their classes. As luck would have it, Karkat's classes are all across the school from each other. He'll have to either take the long way by using the hallways that everyone else will surely be crowding in to remain dry or brave the rain and go through the middle.

He leans against the wall and tries to make the decision. Is he really willing to get soaked just so he can get to a class he absolutely loathes, only to be pestered by the people he hates all while learning things he's never going to use in life? He's going to get there either way, right? Right. The only way he's getting wet is if he's being attacked and the only way to escape was by running across school in the rain. Otherwise, he'll stay dry.

He relaxes a little now. He has a few minutes before the first bell and he's planning on spending those minutes enjoying being alone.

Kids pass him by; most just continue on their way and some hardly even look in his direction. The looks he receives are filled with curiosity masked underneath uncertainty. Very few dare to speak to him and he tries his best to not yell at them when they do. At least they notice him- unlike the majority of the school.  
But he's not complaining. It's not like he's desperate for everyone's attention. He doesn't feel like he needs to be friends with those people. He doesn't think he needs them to notice him. If he wants someone to pay attention to him, he'll make it so.  
Karkat could always tell the ones who either spoke to him or glanced at him were the ones who probably wanted to know him but were too afraid to do more than say hello or look at him. But again, he isn't desperate for their attention. He couldn't care less about them. By this point in time, after everything he's been through with people he thought were friends, people he wanted as friends, or true friends, he began to realize how fragile care was. How he's tired of caring.

He needs to stop. The bell hasn't even rung yet and he's already contemplating life. He needs to save all this pondering for those classes he hates. He doesn't need any emotional turmoil at the moment, that's for later.

Ever so slowly, the school begins to fill with students, all of which try to avoid the rain. This isn't going to work. There are too many people on the walkway for Karkat's liking. Staying in that spot would only get him bumped into or knocked over. Karkat has made it very clear to everyone that there'd be hell to pay should he be knocked over.

Deciding he isn't in the mood to even be around all those idiots, Karkat make his way out of the area. He can't go to class but he can always sit right outside the door like the eager little teacher's pet he's always hated. He's tired of all the people and how they crowd him. It's too much. Hopefully now, he'll have some space in the indoor hallway.

Just thinking of having some elbow room pacifies the angry teen. He'll be fine once he's in the space of the hallway. He sighs in relief to finally be able to escape the crowd and pushes on the door.

To his dismay, even that area is crowded with people, possibly more. It takes all the patience he has not to flip a metaphorical table. Instead he settles on hitting his head against the wall he is currently being forced into.

Clearly this morning just isn't for him.

…

Karkat ceases hitting his head against the wall as the bell rings. Everyone begins moving out of the hall but not fast enough. Even with everyone finally dispersing, he still feels trapped. He ignores the worried stares of a few students and makes his way into the classroom as if nothing has happened, as if his forehead isn't bright red, and as if he isn't in pain. He sits in his seat in the middle of the classroom, ready to hit his head against the desk once the teacher begins the lesson. He does this quite often so by now no one really approaches him about it. As long as he doesn't give himself a concussion and he does the homework, he'll be fine and everyone will go about their business.

The bell rings again and everyone takes their seats. The class is packed today as always but never with the right people. It seems like the administrators never want to put him in classes with people he gets along with. It's always the same idiots every single year. Of course he makes friends but that's always a hassle for him. He doesn't exactly have the easiest time making friends. Something about how he comes off as "scary" and "loud". On one occasion "misunderstood but chill". That was certainly different. There's a first for everything, right?

Karkat lays his head on his crossed arms. He could hit his head any other time of day or any other day. He'd rather just rest.

The morning drained him.

The rest of the day will do the same.

…

Karkat manages to survive his first three classes without too many problems. He primarily ignored everything and everyone. Honestly, he was just bored. Nothing interesting ever happens anymore. He spent his time in his classes with his head on his desk or his head on his hand and peering out the window at the rain that continued to fall. There's no way this rain was going to let up anytime soon. Hopefully the downpour will let up a little when it's time to go home. He really doesn't want to get wet. He'd managed to avoid the water all day so far, and though it's the more favorable option, he doesn't even want to get wet right outside his home. If Nepeta knew that, she'd comment on how cat-like he is or make some stupid cat pun.

He really wants someone to talk to.

Right now, he's seated in the lunch room. Everyone is inside today. It's too wet outside and no one is going to deal with all that water and mud and the humid air. Consequently, the lunchroom is packed from shoulder to shoulder with students. The school could really benefit from some more space in the hallways and classrooms. What's the point of having such a large courtyard anyways? It's the main reason so many students are late getting to class since it forces them to have to run to get across it in a timely manner. Maybe he should bring that up at the next school board meeting that no one cares about.  
He sighs and looks about empty table. Everyone he usually sits with is waiting in the line for food. That's another thing. The lines are too long. Not that he ever stands in them; it's just something he's noticed. He watches as Nepeta exits the lunch line and quickly makes her way over to the table with Kanaya in tow. Upon seeing the cat obsessed girl, Karkat shudders but at least Kanaya is here. She's not completely insane, unlike everyone else Karkat hangs around. In fact, she is probably the sanest, right after him of course.

He should make a list.

Hm.

"Hello, Karkat." Kanaya greets him as she sets the plate down on the table and takes a seat in one of the chairs. She's formal and neat to the point where many believe that she's in the wrong school.  
She's been Karkat's friend ever since they met. Her acceptance of his 'loud' , 'scary', and 'high-strung' personality is what convinced him that maybe she was somewhat insane. Who in their right mind would accept someone so… _odd_? And even though he's still convinced Kanaya may have something wrong with her, he believes that's why he treats her differently from everyone and trusts her with things he doesn't even trust himself with. She doesn't mind his attitude. She's used to it.

Karkat grumbles something in response and looks away. There's no need for him to ruin Kanaya's kind, calm, and collected disposition with his dour attitude.

Nepeta squeals suddenly, and her eyes widen as she smiles. "Grumpy-Kat!"

Kanaya laughs behind her hand and avoids Karkat's glare.

"Can I call you that from meow on? It's –"

"How does the English teacher deal with you?" Karkat is genuinely curious. She makes puns all the time. What is she even like in English class? Besides, getting her off the subject of the horrendous nickname is all he cares about at the moment.

"She doesn't mind." Nepeta answers instantly. She returns to talking about the new nickname she just came up with and everything cat related. Karkat tunes her out and leaves Kanaya to deal with her. He regrets wanting someone to talk to.  
Before he knows it, his mind is drifting off again. He can't seem to focus on anything. It's a good thing he hasn't been required to do anything that calls for all his attention.

He's been ignoring his two friends for almost ten minutes when Kanaya addresses him again.

"And how has the day treated you, Karkat?"

"Like I don't exist." He slams his head against the table.

Kanaya hummed and Nepeta frowned. Kanaya wipes her mouth and opens it to begin speaking when Nepeta takes charge and responds.  
"How could anyone or anything evfur treat you like you don't exist, Grumpy-Kat? You're too purrfect to miss!" Karkat has to fight back the urge to vomit. Her crush on him is really getting out of hand, especially considering they haven't known each other for too long.

Karkat has no clue how to respond to her. Sure he's had people admit to him their feelings but never has he met someone so… _open_ with their feelings for him. It's like kindergarten all over again. But she's too innocent and nice to reject. _But still… _It was odd and honestly, it unnerved him. The only way he could respond was by getting up and excusing himself from the table.

"I have to go." With that being said, Karkat stands from the table and leaves the two females at the table.

Kanaya watches passively as he struggles to push past kids moving throughout the lunchroom.

She'd wanted to tell him something but of course she didn't have the chance to break it to him. She wasn't even sure she could tell him. Just imagining how he'd react worried her. There were too many variables and he can be unpredictable at times. She only hoped that he won't be too upset later on after he finds out.

"So, Kanaya, what do you think about it?" Nepeta smiles cutely.

Kanaya turns back to Nepeta, obvious confusion spreading across her features and the latter huffs in aggravation.

"I thought you were listening to me! I guess, I'll just have to start ovfur." She begins her story once more to Kanaya's dismay. Kanaya remains in her seat and listens to the girl seated next to her.  
At least Nepeta's talking will distract her from thinking of Karkat for the time being.

* * *

I'm back~

:D


End file.
